Metamorphosis - Embodying my true self

Welcome, my fellow Spirit. Thank you for stopping by and carving out a little bit of time in your busy schedule. Today, I want to take you on another private tour with me to give you a few "behind the scenes" insights on how I found my truth, connected with my soul, and came to intentionally live in a way that reflects my true self.

Consider this article a follow-up on "My Path to Enlightenment," in which I shared with you the scope of my own process of self-realization. This time, we go deeper. More personal. More "real." Hopefully, my story, and the lessons I've learned along the way, provide you with clarity regarding your own transformation.

I'm a free Spirit, and my soul's journey has been an adventurous treasure hunt. Growing up in the country side, I was fortunate to have a younger brother with whom I could roam around freely and explore the wondrous world around us. We were "thick as thieves," best friends, and spent much of our time in nature. Picture beautiful lakes, lush meadows, and dense forests. That's the huge playground we were given the privilege of exploring and falling in love with. Life was a game, one we were excited about participating in.

My Spirit thrived. My inner light shining as bright as the sun. I was so happy, at ease, and deeply in love, my frequency vibrating "high in the sky." My spiritual senses flourished, like lotus flowers dancing on a magical lake, opening their petals to soak up the life-giving energy of the sun. I was in touch with my Higher Self and enjoyed the endless conversations we had while I was in kindergarden. Although, I didn't consciously realize who was "talking" so nicely with me, all the time.

My love affair with life came to a sudden, forceful stop, once my parents decided to move to the big city. From one day to the next, we left the tranquility and beauty of nature behind, only to enter the world of chaos, noise, and stress, embedded in an grayish ocean of unwelcoming high rises. No friends. No feeling of belonging. No freedom. My Higher Self was still right by my side, though, soothing and encouraging me to play, explore, and go out into the city's parks, tiny islands of artificial nature crammed in between office and apartment buildings.

Our move was a big challenge for me. I quickly had to adjust, attempting to "blend in." Two years passed in a blurry and I entered my teenage years. As long as I can remember, my parents were working full-time, trying to make a decent living and provide both my brother and me with opportunities to have a "better life." Define "better." Build a successful career. Climb the societal ladder. Make money. Earn hard-won status. Be a winner.

My family was like any other, a "classic showcase" of familial dynamics and patterns, upholding traditional values, principles, and beliefs. "You have to work hard to make it in life. Nobody will give you anything on a silver platter. You have to make it happen, yourself. Use your elbows to get ahead. Use your mind, reason, and logic to come to the "right" solution. Think. You have to toughen up, otherwise you'll be crushed and thrown under the bus. Work harder. Work more. Sacrifices are necessary." That sums it up quite aptly, how my parents used to deal with life, and still do.

However, the only thing that was being "crushed and thrown under the bus" was my Spirit. I felt like an Amazonian wild parrot, caught by poachers, having cut off its flight feathers, imprisoned in a tiny cage. My heart sank. I was sick all the time. My sensitive body struggled. Middle and high school were overwhelming, yet I tried my best to "toughen up" and made sure my grades were always good.

My father expected nothing less than the best, even if that meant disciplining old-school style. Obviously, I did what every "good child" does. I complied. No objection. No questions asked. All I wanted was approval, as so many young people do. The clear connection I once had with my Higher Self turned into an indistinguishable radio static. My frequency plummeted and found a worn-out couch to crash on, somewhere in the basement of my emotional spectrum.

I met my husband-to-be at the tender age of seventeen. Both of us still "green behind the ears," vibrating on the same, low frequency. We were a perfect match. "Us against the world," was our unspoken motto. Rolling up our sleeves every day anew, we were determined to show the world that we're better not to be messed around with. Continuously finding ourselves either chin-deep in mud water or attempting to conquer "El Capitan" without gear, life was tough, but we were tougher. We got our university degrees, built a career, married, and did our best to carve out a life path towards "better days" with our bare hands.

Life was manageable - not very good but not very bad, either. Just so so. Average. Several inconspicuous years passed. And while you can easily fall prey to your mind, your heart, you can't trick. It wants to be heard, taken care of, and acknowledged. It's your soul's voice. I tried my best to push it away and ignore it. Before long, the first physical symptoms appeared on the horizon, seemingly out of nowhere. My inner light got weaker every day, until it was almost extinguished.

Growing up in the 80s and 90s, I looked for role models in popular TV commercials or glamorous magazines. Supermodels were considered to be the embodiment of "perfect beauty." That's how I thought I've to look and be like if I want to make it in life. I completely changed myself - platinum blond hair, tanned like a rotisserie chicken, and a wardrobe that could easily dress a women's volleyball team. I was accumulating all this stuff, so that I could finally be joyful and at ease, again.

In terms of relationship, I only had my parents to learn from. They separated right after moving to the big city, yet decided to "push through" and postpone their divorce until my brother and I were old enough. Old enough for what? I guess to learn that you should never stay with someone you don't love just because of a false belief you've mistakenly picked up while still being "green behind your ears."

That lesson, I learned way too late, I've to admit. Intuitively knowing something and following through with it feels like base jumping from the world's tallest skyscraper if you don't realize the deception of your mind, yet. You just don't trust - yourself. At least, I didn't. My Higher Self? I never consciously realized its existence until years later. Spirit, Universal Consciousness, my soul's origin? Complete blank space.

For decades, I was a devoted "thinker." I relied heavily on my mental abilities to guide me through life, make decisions, and deal with my challenges, which seemed to keep coming at full speed, like balls being shot out of a tennis ball shooting machine. Pro's and Con's lists were my go-to when trying to figure things out, rationally and logically. Structure and routine were soothing my mind like warm milk with honey. Perfectionism was the goal. Anything less considered to be a failure. Living like this, I was at the mercy of my mind 24/7. If my mind was happy, I was happy. If my mind had a tamper tantrum like a baby whom you snatched away it's pacifier, I was screwed.

I could very well imagine that you, my fellow Spirit, can relate with my human life experience to some extent. Maybe you also tried to "blend in" and make others feel comfortable for too long? Maybe you were or still are at odds with yourself, critically observing yourself in the mirror every time you get the chance to? Maybe you also neglected your heart's desires, instead buying into a false and misleading belief-system, that was nicely wrapped up in society's superficiality or old family tradition? Maybe you changed, changed again, and changed a bit more, up to the point that you didn't even recognize yourself in the mirror, anymore? You're not alone. I see you. You'll get through this!

It felt, as if I were living the life of someone else. Eventually, I reached the point of no return. I had nothing to give anymore and let myself being swept away into the ocean, where a giant wave engulfed me and forcefully dismantled my neatly organized life. With this, my spiritual treasure hunt began. My former goals, career, money, and societal status were the first that got crushed. They lost their allure and just didn't feel worth chasing, anymore. My values, beliefs, and identity were next in line. They seemed senseless, shallow, and meaningless, leaving behind a deep void somewhere inside of me. I questioned everything, especially myself. Who am I? Is this all there is to life? What's the point?

For a long time, I felt depressed and thought something is inherently wrong with me. A cognitive issue or personality disorder maybe? In an attempt to "fix" myself, I began to look into psychology, especially behavioral therapy, personality types and disorders, as well as cognitive, social and developmental psychology. I soaked up all the information like a sponge, thinking that science has the answers. At that time, my mind was still the driving force behind my actions and my no. 1 tool for trying to figure life, and my role in it, out. Eventually, I found myself reaching a dead-end.

Moving on, I dived right into the field of physics. Quantum mechanics quickly got my full attention. I was always magically drawn to the wonders of the Universe. It only made sense to me to find out as much as possible about it. Maybe here I would finally find some answers? Although very helpful and eye-opening, I hit yet another wall after a while.

What's next? Philosophy, Religion and Spirituality. I didn't leave one stone untouched. Growing up in an Atheist household, I was unbiased and open to everything, which didn't make my search much easier. There's just a lot to read, too much for a single lifetime. I had to narrow it down, but how? I followed my intuition and took a closer look at metaphysics, Stoicism, the Buddha's Teachings, the Tao te Ching, some Japanese writers, Ayurveda, and other, modern Spiritual Teachers. Feeling like a bloodhound following a lead, I started to make some progress. Finally, a tiny flickering of light at the end of the tunnel. Each book entailed profound wisdom and truth, providing me with the first few pieces of my puzzle.

My quest continued and I got inspired to try out yoga and meditation in an attempt to restore balance and harmony in my life. All the research stimulated my mind way too much. I felt even more restless, anxious, and stressed out - completely out of whack. A break was in order and meditation immediately came to my rescue. Wanting to do it "right," I learned all about Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and even completed an eight week course. Yeah, still the over-thinker at work. That's what it means to be human, I guess.

Focusing mainly on my mental well-being, I still felt the strong urge to connect with my body on a deeper level. My Spirit was "starving," my inner light weak and "malnourished." Serenity and Ease of Being were basically nonexistent back then and my frequency continuously low. This is when yoga entered the stage. Being self-taught in many areas of my life, I intuitively came up with my own routine, which I'm still practicing as of today. Yoga and meditation are my favorite remedies. I love them so much! They soothe me on the deepest level and nurture both my physical and energy body, helping me to quickly balance myself, again. That's two more pieces of my puzzle.

It was only after I started practicing both yoga and meditation, though, that my intuition became the driving force to deal with my challenges and everyday life decisions. I learned to pay attention to and listen to my heart. I also decided to follow my heart and only acted when I felt inspired. I pursued what sparked joy in me and quickly stopped what didn't. In the beginning, it was just trial and error. Oftentimes, I felt as if I were a participant in the popular children's game of "hitting the pot - the Spirit Edition," my heart getting "warm" whenever I was close to finding yet another piece of the puzzle, or "cool" if I was following the wrong lead.

Every now and then, I was hit by rogue waves of emotional purging and cleansing, during which all the surpressed emotions, traumas, and insecurities of my human lifetime came to the surface. I went through intense cycles of grief, sadness, fear, anxiety, and anger, which took turns with compassion, understanding, and love. It was an emotional roller-coaster ride that could easily break the Guinness World Record, I'm sure.

Roughly at the same time, my physical body started to go through a long detoxing phase, itself. So, on top of my regular sensitivities and intolerances, I now also had to deal with the side effects of toxins being flushed out of my system. In many aspects, I became even more sensitive, both physically and spiritually. Media consumption, too much screen time, strenuous conversations, noise, crowds, stress in general, or too much exposure to low vibrational frequencies are potent triggers I better avoid. Fortunately, with my energy starting to flow freely, both physically and energetically, I ever so slowly began to feel like myself, again.

The cherry on my soul's birthday cake came in form of free, uncluttered mind-space. Once I intentionally deleted my entire "browsing history" and reorganized my internal "hard-drive," a.k.a. my subconscious mind, my inner light got rekindled. Much needed clarity set in. My spiritual senses got revived and the beautiful lotus flowers started to bloom, again. My early morning yoga sessions turned into a "claircognizance frenzy," during which I received a flood of insights, profound wisdom, and deep knowledge about all kinds of things. Soon, it was just too much to remember and I had to write everything down, as to not forget it anymore. Sometimes, I wrote more than I practiced yoga.

Meditation had the same effect, allowing me to become aware of both my clairaudient and clairsentient abilities. It felt like a homecoming, once I consciously realized the magnitude of what was happening "inside" of me. My frequency was once again vibrating "high in the sky," my inner light shining bright like the sun. From that moment on, I stopped the chase. I had arrived. My inner sanctuary, here it was. Still intact. Untouched. Just the way I left it when I was a child. I switched into complete "trust mode," and turned "inside" to find the remaining pieces of my puzzle. Turns out, my inner sanctuary is a treasure trove full of precious gems. My soul's origin, current and future missions, wisdom of previous lifetimes, knowledge about the workings of the Universe - all to be found "in here." Always available. Just waiting to be discovered and explored.

With this, my transformation quickly gained momentum. It became apparent to me that I was being trained, prepared for something else, although I didn't know what, just yet. Every lesson learned and insight gained was a piece of my puzzle, contributing to something larger. All my challenges and experiences were crucial and necessary for my metamorphosis, appearing at just the right time, inspiring me to follow an invisible lead - one piece at a time.

At some point, the divine timeline involved became unmistakably clear, as were all the synchronicities, which kept popping up in my life like confetti at a birthday party. I also had the honor of meeting my Spirit Guides. They've been playing a vital part in my soul's evolution eversince I entered this realm, training and guiding me with utmost patience, care, and unconditional love - come rain or sunshine.

They even inspired and helped me move to the other end of the world, create this website, and assume my role as a Spiritual Teacher. Our history transcends my current lifetime. We've known each other forever and will most likely switch roles in our upcoming lifetimes, as we already did in the past. My soul's journey didn't just start when I was born. It began the moment I was created, manifesting into a Spiritual Being. It won't end when I leave my current form behind, either. It'll continue into infinity.

A life experience is a precious gift, which, if unwrapped carefully allows a soul to be transformed into something new, like a butterfly undergoing its metamorphosis. The transformation itself doesn't happen overnight. It's a delicate process, a beautiful journey, that's being accompanied by an invisible, ever-present flow of energy. "Waking up" from the dream state and "remembering" your true self, your divine essence, will eventually change your vibrational frequency and with that your State of Being.

For some, it'll be as if a door suddenly opens that has been closed so far. Once entered, enlightenment sets it, instantly and permanently. For others, it'll feel as if the light switch is being turned on and off seemingly random, with no control over its position. Then, one day, out of nowhere, the light stays on. That's it. Enlightenment. Once realized, you'll never forget again.

Is this the end of the journey? No, it's just the beginning, the first leg of your soul's transformation. You're awake, now. Finally. You're aware of yourself being part of a game. You remember that you designed the game you're playing, as well as every challenge and character in it, yourself. You realize yourself as being the creator behind it all. Now, you're ready to consciously create and manifest a life that aligns with your soul. That's your mission.

The process of self-realization is life-changing. Your relationships and social circle will shift. Like attracts like. If you vibrate on a high frequency for long periods of time, you'll naturally attract circumstances and people with the same energy profile into your life experience. Consequently, people who aren't matching your frequency, anymore, will vanish. I experienced it myself. Friends parted ways. Family members who once were close are now almost nonexistent in my life. My marriage didn't survive my transformation, either. The good news is, though, other people who match your higher frequency will emerge, enriching your life in beautiful, magical ways.

Finding your inner light will bring you profound clarity of what's important to you and what not. Life becomes simpler, yet more meaningful. Intuition replaces thinking to a large extent, because you become crystal clear about the limitations of your mind and the infinite wisdom of your soul. You take control, as you decide if and what to use your mind for, not the other way around. Transcending it puts right in touch with your Higher Self, the most valuable point of contact there is.

Aligning with your soul will change your core values and beliefs, profoundly. Love, light, and peace will quickly fill the void, that was left behind when your old principles were washed away. Authenticity, honesty, and integrity won't be just empty words, used to impress or hold up a certain image, anymore. They become your "code of honor," one you feel the intrinsic need to uphold and adhere to, no matter what.

"Standing in your own shoes" with full awareness, you take full responsibility for your words and actions. You follow through and honor your words. Everything you do becomes an act of love. You listen with your heart. You speak with your heart. And you follow your heart because now you trust - yourself, your soul, this process, and Spirit itself.

Your perception of life will also change - away from the fear-based, limited human perspective, towards the enlightened, infinite wisdom of the Spirit. Perceiving everything and everyone as One leaves no room for seperateness, allowing you to connect more deeply and on eye level. Accepting and appreciating every other Being you encounter, no matter where they're on their path, you naturally treat everyone the way you want to be treated - with kindness, compassion, empathy, humility, gratitude, patience, understanding, and unconditional love.

Fully realizing your true self also lets you finally come to terms with yourself. It opens your heart and helps you "see" the beautiful, ever-changing, always evolving, magnificent masterpiece that is you, for the very first time. By consciously acknowledging, nurturing, and balancing both the Human and the Spiritual Being that you are, you become a natural embodiment of your divine essence - love, light, and peace. You become whole.

So, what's next, then? I don't know. And I feel, I don't have to know, either. I'm content not knowing. I accept and allow - everything. I've come full circle - twice, to be more precise. My soul's transformation feels more like a loop, an infinite cycle of light and shadow, where two ever-changing forces seek balance and harmony in a dynamic interplay. Right now, I am both a Human and a Spiritual Being.

Like an artist, I intentionally choose to start each day with a white canvas, trying to see everything and everyone with fresh eyes, as if experienced for the very first time. The present moment is my main motif and each challenge a colorful, new opportunity to learn, grow, and evolve. These days, I just happily go with the natural flow of my life, wherever it might take me. I trust - myself, the process, Spirit. Life is a journey. Planet Earth a playground. And I'm a free Spirit.